In Theory
by drowning goldfish
Summary: When James blackmails Lily into spending time with him in order to get back her notes to study for her NEWTs, will she see the side of him that actually cares about her, or will she kill him before she gets the chance? lovehate, post Oopt. reviews loved!
1. chapter 1

He looked down at her intense form. She hadn't slept for more than two hours a night in weeks. She barely ate at meals, and that was if she attended them. She was a walking zombie who could be seen reading at least three books at any given time, including lessons.

She _knew_ everything, so _why_ was she stressing? If anyone had the luxury of being able to relax, it was her.

"Hey Evans. You planning on getting any sleep ever?" Hearing her name, she was startled out of her concentrated trance.

"What?" she said, and looked up to see James Potter hovering over her shoulder, extremely frustrated at having her focus broken. "Oh, it's _you_. What do you want?"

"It's the middle of the night. I want to know what in the hell you're doing up still. Don't tell me you're studying for NEWTs. Relax Evans. They aren't for another two weeks."

She glared at him scathingly. "Some of us actually place importance on these exams, so _leave_, before your disaffected-failure-aura rubs off on me."

"Touchy, are we? You know what you need Evans?" he said with a drawl.

"Oh here we go. The _great_ James Potter is going to impart his _sage_ studying tactics on _me_. Well thanks, but no thanks," she said scathingly.

"You're going to stress yourself out so much that you're going to choke and fail," he said. The wand suddenly in his face did not surprise him. However, its shaking did. She was so weak she couldn't even hold her wand straight.

"_Shut up_!" she cried, tears of frustration building in her fiery emerald eyes.

"You know I'm right," he said darkly.

"I said shut up! You have no idea what it's like for me! No idea how hard I have to work! You think it's so easy, but it's not! It's bloody well not! My whole future rests on how I do on these exams! If I fail, then where will I go? Back to the muggle world? Completely disappointing my parents, proving to the wizarding community that blood really _does_ matter, and giving my sister a reason to think I'm a freak! You—"

But whatever he was apparently did not matter, because at that precise moment, James Potter kissed Lily Evans for the first time. It was slow and warm and a little less than innocent, but it was everything she had ever heard kissing could be.

She could barely stand on her on two legs, her head filled with a drowsy warmth, like a hot air balloon helping her drift along. "What? Why did you…?" she asked drowsily.

His hands still held her close. "Because you needed to breathe. You need to get your head away from all of that. Admit it: the entire time we were kissing, you weren't thinking about anything related to NEWTs."

It was quite true, she thought. While they had been kissing, her mind had blissfully cleared of any thought whatsoever, mostly because she was completely taken aback by his audacity.

"I…" she said. His lips came back to caress hers again, teasing her and sending tranquilly warm oblivion through her body, not unlike gulping down a pint of butterbeer in one go.

She did not know how long they stood there, completely enraptured with one another, but all too quickly he pulled away. His face was flushed, and his breathing was ragged, as though he had run a marathon.

"You need sleep," he said as he kissed her neck, nuzzling the sensitive flesh. He pushed her back to the staircase, and she floated along under his ministrations, barely aware that they were moving at all. He kissed her again on the mouth, long and deep and hard, before pulling away, turning her around, and sending her up the stairs.

He stood at the bottom of the steps as she wound her way up them dazedly. He bit his lip to keep from attempting to follow her. She looked so beautiful in the firelight, with her hair mussed from his hands running through it, her eyes half lidded in pleasure, her cheeks flushed and her lips bruised a raspberry red.

She changed from her uniform and slipped into her nightgown and into bed, almost without realizing it. Her mind was whimsically distracted with feelings of overwhelming serenity and comfort. By the time her head had hit the pillow she was deep asleep.

When Lily awoke, the afternoon light streaming into her eyes seemed painfully bright. She sat up, only to see the beds around her long since emptied. She stretched, reminding herself it was Saturday. She could not remember when she had slept so well. Distractedly, she wondered why that was, when suddenly the night's events hit her like a ton of bricks dropping on her head.

Her face drained of all its color, before flushing a deep scarlet. She fell back into her pillow, a moan muffled in its folds.

She couldn't _believe_ it. James Potter had _kissed_ her, and she –and she! —Well, she obviously was extremely sleep deprived and completely missing all of her senses. There was no other explanation for it. He had taken advantage of her, really. She was infuriated.

She showered, dressed, and stormed into the common room. But it was empty. It was the last Hogsmeade weekend she remembered in a distant part of her mind, and it was already late afternoon. Plus it was beautiful outside. Surely that was where everyone else was, studying, like she wished she could be. And that was when it hit her.

Her books. Her notes. Everything was gone. It was nowhere near or around the table she had been working at last night before –well, before she was so rudely interrupted and taken advantage of.

She had to find James. But how? She had no idea where he was and—

The common room door opened, and in he waltzed with his band. They quickly took note of her, and her face blushed, though she tried to hold it back. Undoubtedly, they had heard about what had happened –a grossly exaggerated story, she was sure— and now thought she was some loose harlot woman.

She stalked up to James, unable to bare the thought of the whole school knowing and thinking horrible things about her. "I need to talk to you _right now_," she said, her voice dangerously low.

"What'd you do _this_ time, Prongs?" Sirius said laughingly, but James did not react at all.

"Why don't you three head on up to the room? I'll be there in a bit," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. They boys trudged up the stairs, and Lily made sure the door to their room was both opened and then closed before she spoke.

"_What_ in the bloody hell is wrong with you!" she demanded. He raised his eyebrows.

"It's good to see that a little sleep helps that cranky temper you've got," he said sarcastically.

"I don't know what you've told anyone about last night, but—"

"Relax, Evans. I haven't told anyone anything. Your reputation of having the purity of a nun is preserved," he said scathingly. It upset him that she thought he would go parading around what had happened between them, like he didn't know that it was somehow special and private.

Of course, for about fifteen minutes he hadn't been able to get a stupid grin off his face, and he had tell the others that he had accidentally used too strong of a cheering charm on himself while practicing for NEWTs, though he had been desperately close to spilling everything at first.

"Oh," she said, and for a moment seemed at a loss for words. "Well, good. It had better stay that way," she said sharply.

He rolled his eyes and she glared. "And what about my books and notes? Did you even think about them when you made me leave last night? Or did you just leave them laying about to be stolen by other seventh years, or worse, disposed of by house elves?"

"I've got them. I've got everything," he said in a drone voice.

"Good," she said. "Well where are they?" she asked impatiently.

"In my room," he said, and then at her look, added, "Hidden, where my mates won't see them and ask questions."

"Well go get them!" she commanded, and that was the last straw.

"You know what, Evans, I don't think I will. You've been a right cow to me this morning, especially after I've been a proper gentleman to you, and I'm really rather bored with this attitude of yours." Her eyes shot wide at his voice.

"You wouldn't _dare_," she said. He raised an eyebrow and his trademark grin slid into place.

"You're challenging me?" he asked teasingly, and he saw she knew he was serious. She sighed, and looked like she had swallowed something sour.

"All right," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Nah, that's not good enough," he said laughingly.

"Fine," she gritted out. "I apologize for my rude behavior. It was ungrateful of me. I appreciate your silence about last night a great deal, and your retrieval of my personal belongings. Now if you would be so kind as to return them?"

"Nope. I've got a better idea," he said, and he could see she was close to screaming. "For every piece of parchment of your notes, you have to spend an hour with me. For every book, a full snogging session, reminiscent of last night. During any of these times, you cannot complain or make any comments negative to my person or the arrangement."

Her mouth had dropped open. "You're trying to blackmail me!" she cried.

"Uh huh," he said with a smile. "I mean, you _could_ just go to McGonnagal, but then you'd have to explain why _exactly_ it is I had them in the first place, wouldn't you?"

She glared daggers at him, whipped out her wand, and raised her eyebrow a fraction.

"How about this Potter? You either give me back my notes, or I'll make sure you're in the hospital wing for the rest of the year," she threatened.

"Ah," he said, that charming smile never slipping, "But then you'd still be out of your notes, and since my own _roommates_ wouldn't be able to find them, what gives you any idea that _you'll_ be able to? You'll fail for sure, and as you explained last night, I'm sure that's not a fate you're looking forward to, now is it?"

For a moment, tears glistened in her eyes and he was sure he had gone to far, but then she lowered her wand.

"I have more notes than there are hours before the exams. I'll spend fifteen minutes with you for a parchment of notes. At approximately six hours outside of class everyday, that amounts to twenty-four pieces a day. It will take about a week, but I can get them all back in time to still study some. As for the books, you will receive one kiss, the instigation and duration controlled by myself only," she negotiated.

He thought for a moment. "The kiss has to be on the lips, and I require full meals, three times a day, no exceptions."

"I'll give you the meals, but they count for double," she said, glaring.

"And the kissing?" he said, not aware of the tender-hooks upon which he hung.

She moaned miserably. "Fine," she said, defeated. "But we've been talking for at least fifteen minutes, so if you wouldn't mind, I'd like my fourteenth page of my Arithmancy notes please."

He grinned. "I didn't say I'd when I'd give them to you," he said, but she looked so miserable. "I know you'll either try to study during our time together, or wait and skip sleeping again, which is really rather impractical, as I want your full attention. So I'll cut you a break. I'll give you your notes at the end of five hours every day, and for an hour, we'll study together."

"Study?" she said disgusted. "With you? You just want to copy my notes because you haven't been taking them all year!"

He grinned at her accusation. "Contrary to popular belief, I actually pay attention in some classes."

"Which one is that? Flying lessons?" she said, and before she knew it, he was kissing her again. His hands gripped her wrists with one hand, pinning them behind her back so she couldn't struggle or reach for her wand. His other hand slid up her back to entangle in her hair, tugging lightly but not painfully, so she would arch her head to the position he desired.

He groaned softly into her mouth, unable to contain himself. He let her pull back slightly for air, but moved again to her neck, this time much more focused on leaving a mark of his affection there.

"This wasn't part of the deal," she said, and he noted with great satisfaction the breathy tone of her voice and the heave of her chest against his.

"So you're earning back one of your books faster than you thought," he growled to her before nipping at the sensitive flesh. He grinned as she gasped and tensed. His tongue flitted out to suckle the sensitive area.

"Besides, now we're alone. Tonight, the common room will be too full until too late. Unless of course you _want_ to make a display of all this," he whispered, and she groaned, though he was not entirely sure it was from what he was saying and not from what he was doing to her.

His mouth moved back to hers, slowly massaging her lips, trying to somehow let her know that this meant more to him than any stupid game. He wanted her, to be and argue with, and definitely to kiss and caress any time he felt the urge (which, being a teenage male, was quite often).

His heard the door to his dormitory open. He heard footsteps on the stairs. He ripped himself away, pushing her back slightly. A slightly bewildered and, he quite thought, hurt look came to her face, before she realized they had company.

"So it's a deal then?" he asked, his tone faking the anger it usually held with they spoke with one another.

She swallowed. "Deal," she bit back at him, though she had not conjured up an angry face to match.

He turned to see Sirius at the bottom of the stair, an eyebrow raised in question as to what was taking so long. He turned back to Lily. "See you at dinner," he said, and then left to walk with Sirius.

"You two aren't in another spat, are you?" Sirius said.

"No," James said. "Why?"

"It's just your face is all flushed like it usually is when you two argue…" he said.

"Actually," James said, a dark smile on his face, "we've come to a bit of a truce, and I suppose we'll be getting along just fine."

Sirius looked surprised, but didn't say anything, figuring that whatever had happened, it couldn't have been that bad. Little did he know…

AN: everyone who **reviews** gets a cookie! And if you liked this, check out my other (slightly more serious) james/lily ficlet: beautiful contradictions! Thanks!  


	2. chapter 2

Lily spat out the pumpkin juice she had just poured into her mouth, spraying it across the table. She tried to cover her mouth with her hands, but the laughter escaping her lips made it hard to breathe, let alone control her limbs properly. James was also laughing, trying hard to make it through the rest of the story, but failing miserably as every other word was followed by peals of laughter. Punch line after punch line rolled off his tongue in this slow and amusing manner, making dinner last for two hours instead of the fifteen minutes Lily had sworn it would be. Tales of his escapades had come up rather quickly, but she was surprised to find that most of them were not nearly as offensive and vulgar as she had presupposed. Most were follies leaving her in stitches.

"Hey Prongs, there you are," Sirius said, looking strangely at the two of them, wondering at the civility displayed, but wisely choosing not to comment. "Moody's going mental so he and Peter are playing chess until I return with you. Thought we'd head out to the pitch before curfew to get out that energy us growing boys are so famous for."

He winked at James, and James knew they weren't really planning on going to the pitch. He looked back at Lily, and saw her wiping her face with her napkin, looking purposefully at the table.

He looked back up at Sirius, and with as casual of an air as he could muster, said, "No, that's alright. You lot go on without me. Lily and I were going to do a bit of studying."

Sirius looked like he had been punched in the stomach. "Oh," he said, and for a moment, looked extremely confused, as though he couldn't see the angle James was coming from, before shaking his head and sighing.

"Whatever you want, James. See you back at the tower later then," he said, before giving him one last confused look, and leaving.

James turned back to Lily. "You don't have to sacrifice your time with your friends for me. I can study alone," she said. He waited until she looked him in the eye.

"I _want_ to spend time with you," he said and she blushed. "I don't mean like that! I mean, obviously, I like _that_ part of it, but well, I like just spending regular time with you too. You're funny and your laugh is infectious. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. I wish I had learned a long time ago how to make you laugh more, instead of just how to yell at me."

"You don't always make me yell," she said.

"But I'm pretty good at it," he grinned, and she bit back a smile. "See! That's what I always do. You always bite your cheek when you want to laugh at me, but for some reason you won't let yourself. I think it's because you don't want to openly encourage me, but in all truth, it just makes me try harder."

She couldn't help it: the smile escaped and slid across her cheeks. He smiled back, a delirious smile that made her stomach flutter.

"So were we really going to go study?" she asked hopefully. He sighed dramatically.

"Fine," he said, and they gathered their things before heading up to the common room. She had wanted to study Arithmancy, but as James didn't _take_ Arithmancy and they could not study for it together, they settled for Potions, as both actually needed to work on that.

Lily settled into a comfortable couch, throwing her bag over the spot next to her to save it for James, while he went up to his dorm to retrieve both of their notes. As she began to pull out the Arithmancy textbook he had given back to her at lunch, she noticed the several strange stares and whispers she received from others around the common room.

She buried her face in her book and waited impatiently for James to return. He dropped into the chair next to her, and handed her a stack of notes for the day. Sliding her Potions book into her hands as well, he grinned as he said, "You can earn this back later."

She glared over at him darkly. "Everyone is talking about us," she whispered sharply. James glanced around in an unconcerned manner.

"So what? It's not like they have any idea what's going on. That's why they're talking. It's strange for people to see us acting civil, but if they see us just sitting here studying together, then they'll realize that we're just combining our resources to perform better on our NEWTs," he said. She glowered.

"It really bothers you, doesn't it? The thought that people might think we're together?" he sounded incredibly hurt.

"It bothers me that people might think that my priorities have changed, when they haven't," she said sharply, but still in an attempt to comfort him.

"What is that suppose to mean?" he asked.

"Studying is important to me. I've always worked hard to achieve what I want and no boy, not even _James Potter_, is going to distract me from getting what I want," she said, glaring as though daring him to make a comment about last night. He just grinned infuriatingly.

"Well then," he drawled, "we better get started."

She nodded. "I'm not used to studying with someone else," she admitted after a moment. He grinned.

"I know," he said, and she felt slightly stung by that comment, though she didn't quite know why. "Why don't you set aside your notes and books temporarily, and I'll give you a few questions that might come up on NEWTs? If you get stuck, you can check your papers, and that way, you can see what you really need to concentrate on, and what you already have down."

"That sounds good," she said. He opened his book, flipping through pages until he settled on one, grinning fondly, she thought, almost as if lost in a memory.

"Give me the properties of wolfsbane, how it's used in potions, and why it's banned in Africa," he said. The synapses connected in her brain, bringing to mind all she knew about wolfsbane. She knew the answer, she thought with some relief and slight pride.

He kept asking her questions, each one tougher than the last, and every time, she could clearly collect her thoughts and give him a straightforward answer. She couldn't believe how much more confident she felt, and strangely how relieved it made her feel. She was practically beaming when he finally closed the book and she realized that hours had passed, the fire was dimmed, and they were the last two up.

She suddenly felt self-conscious. She knew what was supposed to happen next and whatever confidence she had been feeling bubbling up inside of her deflated. He collected his things together.

"That was incredible Lily. If you can keep that up and stay focused like you were, there's no way you won't be able to get 'O's in all of your NEWTs. And you said you were _bad_ at Potions. I'd hate to see what you're like in Charms, if this is you at your worst," he said.

She blushed, feeling that little bit of confidence peak out from its hiding place. _I wonder how good of a kisser he thinks I am?_ The sudden thought came from absolutely nowhere and struck her with a heavy force. She shook it harshly from her mind. "You're flattering me," she said dismissively.

"No," he said seriously. "You're brilliant. You always have been. It's one of the things I admire about you the most actually."

"You mean besides my yelling and ability to have you under twenty hexes in under a minute?" she said saucily. Somehow he had moved steadily closer to her during the course of the conversation, so that the idea of kissing him suddenly wasn't so uncomfortable. His breath fanned across her cheeks.

He grinned, and they were so close she had to glance down at his lips to see. "Yeah, besides that. It's like I've always said Lily: you're completely faboo."

It was strange because he had never kissed her before when they weren't arguing. He brought his lips close to her, but waited patiently for her to start it. It was so much slower and softer than any of their others that hot fire slid through her veins like torture a hundred times faster. It was agony and bliss at the same time. His hand came up and slid into her hair, and it was the first time she allowed her hands to move and touch him at all, though they only slid up behind his neck.

He twisted to face her more fully, and she arched away from the couch back to find a more comfortable position for her neck. He let her pull away slightly, kissing her jaw line with lingering kisses that evoked hidden thoughts to come leaping to the forefront of her mind about where else he might kiss her if she asked, if she wanted, if she let him.

When he kissed her again it was more demanding, and she didn't mind. The slower pace seemed to be killing her, but she was terrified of asking for any more than she already was. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea, but she couldn't clearly remember what the wrong idea _was_ when he was so close that their bodies seemed to breath in rhythm and her heart sounded like a hummingbird's must.

She felt as he began to push her slowly down on the couch, but it wasn't until her back finally rested on the cushion and his arms braced him barely above her that she realized just what position they were in. Her eyes shot open wide, and her arms and legs pushed against him. He moved immediately, pulling himself back into a sitting position and looking away from her. She sat up as well, their ragged breathing loud in their ears.

"I'm sorry," he said, and she knew his jumbled thoughts were sincere. "I didn't mean for it to go that far. I didn't mean to scare you. I wouldn't ever…I mean you know that I would never…it's just that when I'm kissing you I…I lose control and I want to keep…just tell me when to stop. Whatever you want. It's fine. I'm fine with it. With whatever you want. I won't be angry about it, I promise. Whatever you want."

"James?" she said softly. He turned to her, guilt in his eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him, before slowly pulling away. "Goodnight," she whispered.

"Goodnight," he said, and swallowed hard. She picked up her things and left, very conscious of his eyes watching her leave.

She laid in bed, replaying what had happened in her mind. Everything was so confusing. For him it was just a game, she knew. Why else would he keep it a secret from everyone if not to torture her that much more into knowing that for the time being she was his?

She thought about the kiss, her fingers coming up to trace her lips, and she couldn't help the blush on her cheeks. It had been incredible, she admitted reluctantly, though she had always known there was chemistry between them. She had just never imagined it was _that_ kind of chemistry.

It wasn't until he had lain her down that any thought about anything entered her mind. She liked that blissfully clear haze her mind settled into whenever they kissed. All she had room for was the vague idea of his body and the intense mixed emotions he made her feel, but when he had laid her down she panicked. It had been a very forward move on his part though she knew he hadn't meant it in a suggestive way. It had felt natural at the time and she reasoned that that was probably the reason he did it, but it had scared her all the same. Mostly because it was so comfortable.

She half-wondered, knowing logically that it wasn't plausible, what would happen if he would somehow come into her room in the night and kiss her like he had, lying down—she pushed the thoughts sternly and horrifically from her mind. This was James Potter she was thinking about. She didn't even _like_ James Potter. He was—he was…he made her laugh so hard she cried. She couldn't ever remember a time when she had done that before. She roughly shook the thoughts from her mind, fighting back the hot tears in her eyes. It was too much to handle all at once, so she resolutely turned on her side and shut her eyes, clearing her mind of all thoughts of dark haired boys and their distracting qualities. As it was nearly three in the morning and she really was incredibly tired, she fell into a deep asleep.

**AN: **well this is turning into downright smut. I don't know whether or not I'm more pleased or ashamed of that. This is only going to be a few more chapters as it is not a serious fic, but I write what is fun to write and beautiful contradictions is being a pain in the butt currently, so I am working on other things to get my energy up. I make no guarantee that this will be updated again before bc is finished. Sorry to those who prefer this one, but I write in my spare time for fun and when I labor to perform, I never end up happy with the result. This does not mean I do not greatly greatly appreciate my reviews. They make my day. Speaking of which, **cookies for all who reviewed last chapter**! I still can't believed this little vignette racked in 50 of um. It really means a lot to me, so **if you've read this, please review it**! At the very least, you're getting a free cookie out of the deal. (I know, I know: I'm shameless. What did you expect? I'm a _fanfic_ author.)


	3. chapter 3

"What in the world has been the matter with you?" Emmeline asked as they walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Lily was slightly started by the question. "What do you mean?"

Emmeline glared and sighed dramatically. "Listen Lily, I know I've been studying in the library a lot lately, but I have seen you meals and I have heard the rumors. Why on God's green earth are you spending so much time with _Potter_?"

Lily had the decency to blush. "He's been helping me study," she said defensively, which wasn't completely a lie.

"That's what the rumors are. The question is why?" Emmeline pressed. "It's not like you're incapable of studying alone."

"I just study better with him," Lily said, surprised to find it was true. "I don't get so stressed out about whether or not I know the material. It helps me calm down."

"Well good. Heaven knows you needed to," Emmeline said assuredly. Lily was slightly shocked and hurt, but she covered it quickly. After a moment, Emmeline said in a slightly accusatory tone, "But you _do_ hate Potter, right? He's still an arrogant twit? You haven't forgotten that part either?"

"Of course!" Lily replied defensively. "…you know, in theory."

Emmeline stopped dead in her tracks. "What?" she asked flatly.

"Well, it's just that I've never really _hated_ him so much as he's just annoying to a degree of insanity, and most of my aggression towards him is just so he doesn't get the wrong idea about where we stand with one another. In theory I hate him, but in practice…"

"So the rumors _are_ true!"

"What rumors?" Lily would be lying if she said she wasn't desperate to find out what all the whispering was about whenever she walked down the halls with Potter.

"You're in _love_ with him!"

"What?! Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!" _Blackmailed snogging_ _was **not** the same as **love, **_her mind exclaimed sharply though she did not dare say it aloud.

Emmeline gave her a long look. "Fine. Let's just drop the subject, alright?" she said as they entered the hall. Emmeline sat down at their normal seating, and looked up to see Lily glancing down the table at James. "What?" Emmeline asked sharply.

"I …I promised Potter I'd sit with him this morning," Lily said painfully. Emmeline looked like she had been slapped in the face. "I'm _sorry_," Lily said.

Emmeline's face turned to stone. "Go then," she said through gritted teeth. Reluctantly she did.

James smiled as she sat down next to him angrily. "Morning," he said. She just glared. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"That depends. The average person with any sort of morals would constitute blackmail as wrong, but you've always prided yourself on the fact that you're anything but average Potter, so I guess the answer to your question is no."

James glanced down the table and saw Emmeline's death glare. "Go sit with your friend," he said.

She glared at him, her chin trembling as she held back tears. "I _can't_. I _need_ my Arithmancy notes."

He sighed. "Go. I'll give them back to you tonight. All of them. I don't think I can help you study for it anyway."

"Why? What do I have to give you in return?" she said defensively.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Now go, before Emmeline's evil glare pieces a hole through my thick skull."

Reluctantly she stood and then went back over to Emmeline. He watched as she tried to casually pass it off. He went back to his food, but he had lost his appetite. He left, sighing as he made his way back to the common room, his hands running through his hair. Lily was driving him up the wall. He had thought this whole blackmailing thing was going to be a good idea, that it was going to help her see that he genuinely cared about her, but all it had done was confirm her suspicions that he was a toerag. He went up to his dorm and made sure the others had left before drawing back the hangings on his four poster. He pulled back the drapery on the canopy of his bed, Lily's remaining books and notes (along with other hidden items) held in place balanced on the support beams. He pulled them out and gathered them together, organizing them by subject. All he had left was Arithmancy, Charms and Transfiguration, and his lips tingled at just the memory of their other subjects. Pushing those thoughts from his mind, he gathered his own things for class in his bag before heading up to the Owlery.

"Hey Artemis," he crooned to his bird as he stroked her feathers. "_I'm_ not allowed in the girl's dorms, but I'm sure you are. I need you to put all of these on Lily's bed alright? I know it's heavy, but it's not far. Can you do that for me?" The owl blinked her large round eyes as though scoffing at him, before primly nipping his finger affectionately. James tied everything together securely before Artemis grabbed the parcel in her talons and took flight as though it was weightless. He grinned at his bird proudly, before sighing. Well, at least he'd be getting more sleep if he wasn't staying up into the wee hours of the morning snogging and being snogged senseless, he thought dismally.

Lily looked all over the common room for James that evening, but didn't see him anywhere. Resigned to her fate, she sat down and waited…and waited…and waited. Almost an hour past curfew Emmeline came down to the common room. "Lily, there you are. Can I borrow some ink? I've seemed to run out." Lily looked startled, but nodded. "Are you alright? What are you still doing down here? Falling asleep with your eyes open love? Come to bed already."

Lily, in a daze, followed. She got ready for bed automatically after giving Emmeline more ink, confusion still scatterbrained in her mind. She pulled back the hangings on her bed. A neat little package of the rest of her notes was perfectly bundled there. She was utterly shocked. Who had found her things and how did they put them there? Certainly James hadn't done it because boys couldn't go into the girl's dormitory, which also brought up more confusion about just where James _had_ been that evening. She was too angry and frustrated to sleep. After she was sure Emmeline was asleep, she put on her dressing gown and as quietly and quickly as possible made her way to the seventh year boys dormitory.

She threw open the curtains on James's bed and scowled at his still sleeping form. He looked strange and peaceful without his glasses and defenses. She wanted to hex him.

How he could sleep with the other three boys snoring so loudly she wasn't sure, but she bent close to him before whispering his name as sharply and loudly as she dared. There was no response. She leaned over, whispered his name again and nudged him. He scrunched up his face and groaned. "What Sirius? I was having a good dream about Evans."

For a moment, she stood in shock. For a moment. She placed a silencing charm on him before smacking him hard across the face. "Ow!" she saw him mouth in surprise, before sitting up and putting on his glasses. When he finally looked at her the anger slipped from his face and he blushed guiltily. "Sorry," he mouthed, realizing that she had charmed him. He frowned, grabbed her arm and pulled her onto his bed, closing the hangings around her. He pointed to his mouth sharply and she performed the countercurse. He pulled out his wand from under his pillow and placed his own silencing charm on the bed so they wouldn't wake his roommates.

"What in the bloody hell are you doing here? I know you're Head Girl, but I highly doubt that gives you the right to—"

"Like you're in any position to lecture me on what's right and wrong, especially in the Head capacity!" she declared. He shut his mouth. She had a pretty good point, and he knew that when she was angry it was better to let her vent all of her frustration before attempting to get a word in.

"Why weren't you in the common room tonight?" she demanded. "Do you know how long I waited there, looking like an idiot?"

"But I told you I can't help you study and that I'd give you the rest back. Remember? We talked about this at breakfast. Didn't you get it? It should all be on your bed," he said, suddenly worried that it had somehow gotten lost. She'd absolutely murder him if it was.

"I…you put them there? But…how?" she asked, so lost.

"I had my owl fly them in. Why? You didn't think someone stole them from me to return to you, did you?"

"I didn't know what to think, but that was definitely more of an option than you giving them back to me," she said bluntly. He frowned and sighed. "Why _did_ you give them back?" she asked.

"Because it's what I should have done in the first place. Listen, I'm sorry. Sorry about this whole thing, alright? You were just stressed out that day and I was too. It was horrible of me, and if you never want to talk to me again, I understand. When I saw you with Emmeline today, I realized just how unfair it was. I can't force you into liking me, and I certainly wouldn't take you away from your friends. A much as I enjoy being with you, this past week wasn't real. I was just toying with you, and I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Lily looked away. He didn't mean any of it, the stupid horrible git. It suddenly hit her that she was in James's bed and it was the middle of the night. All she could think about was what it would be like to kiss him right then, along with a painful ache in her chest at the thought that she would never find out. "So it's over then?" she asked in a small voice she barely recognized as her own.

"Yeah. We're over," he said, and she didn't know why hot tears came into her eyes. It wasn't like this was real. It wasn't like he was rejecting her. He was unbinding her from their agreement. She should be happy…but she wasn't.

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow," she said, finally looking him in the eye. Their gazes caught, and after a moment he seemed to lean into her, his hand coming up to her face as though to kiss her, but he caught himself and looked away.

"You better go," he said harshly. She scampered out of his bed, feeling like a fool.

* * *

She couldn't focus on anything! Every time she looked at her papers, the letters blurred together and she would read a paragraph three times before realizing she hadn't understood a word. Her books were just as bad, and half of her practice spells had things exploding. Even worse, her insomnia had returned and she had barely been able to toss and turn in bed for an hour every night before getting up to get ready for class. She always felt sick whenever she saw food, her stomach tied in knots with nervous tension. She was going to fail. She was going to fail everything. 

It just wouldn't do at all, and it was all Potter's fault. And he just sat there with his friends, having a good time, occasionally opening a book to review, and never looking her way. So it was only natural really, what she did. Everyone has their own breaking points, and she had reached hers. The night before the first NEWTs when he strolled into the common room with his friends after coming back from dinner, she grabbed his tie taking pleasant satisfaction in the strangled noise he made and dragged him back out the portrait hole.

She listened to him struggle with words, demanding what in the world she thought she was doing as she dragged him to the North Tower Balcony, but the truth was that she had four thousand thoughts in her head right at that moment, all demanding attention, and this was the only thing she could think to do to get them to stop. So she finally came to a halt, pushed him against the wall, sighed, and kissed him.

He seemed completely at a loss as to what to do, which was rather disappointing after their previous encounters had left her utterly boneless. She pulled back after a moment. He blinked at her several times as though he did not recognize her.

"Evans, did one of your practice spells backfire again?" he asked.

"No," she said sharply.

"Well then what are you doing?" She glared at him.

"Do I have to spell it out for you James? I thought I was kissing you, though you weren't being a very appreciative recipient," she snapped.

"No," he said, his own tempter rising. "I got _what_ you were doing. I think I know by now what it feels like when you attack a bloke, but the question I meant to ask was _why_?"

At this, whatever determined energy she got from her anger and frustration fell away. She felt positively shy, and her hands fell away from him and began to anxiously play with the hem of her robe. "I just…I can't sleep and I can't eat and I feel like I'm going to be sick all of the time and I have these thoughts going a kilometer a minute through my brain and they won't shut up and I can't concentrate…but I could when I was with you. Things were simpler. Things just…fell into place. I guess I figured that if you didn't mind blackmailing me into kissing you, that you wouldn't object to me doing it willingly. I guess I was wrong."

"Lily," he said, and his hands came to hold her arms as he tilted his head to catch her gaze. "You know that I like you, love. I stopped this whole thing because I didn't want you thinking that just snogging was all I wanted out of you. I like making you laugh, and I like studying with you, and I like making you relax. I can't just go back to only snogging with you. As incredible as it is, it isn't enough."

"So what then? You want to hold my hand? You want to tell people we're going steady? You want to get married and have babies?" she said sarcastically.

"No," he said. "I just want to spend time with you. In a few days, we're going to graduate. I've spent the better part of my Hogwarts career envisioning what it would be like to be with you. It's a break coming up here pretty quick. It's a time for new beginnings, and that beginning is either that we're together or that we'll never see each other again."

She looked at his chest for a long time before looking back in his eyes. "I don't have to pretend to think you're wonderful, do I?"

He grinned. "No," he said with a laugh. She pushed himself against him.

"So what were you dreaming about last night then?" she asked coyly, her fingertips playing with the top of his tie. She felt his hand weave itself through her hair softly, and her eyes met his at the comforting gesture. He was grinning like mad.

"We were at the final feast, and I had to give a speech. You were standing next to me, waiting to do yours. I said, 'Seven years, and what have I accomplished?', and then I turned to you and we started snogging in front of the whole school. It was a rather inspiring, I must say," he said laughing.

"You're dreadful," she said, biting back a smile.

"I don't know. I'd think it'd go over pretty well," he said feigning seriousness. She smiled softly.

"We should practice then, if we're going to have an audience," she whispered.

"Mmm…" was all he managed before her lips found her and he showed her what he meant when he said he had wanted more.

**AN:** this is complete. Might add a mini epilogue if ya'll think it needs it. Otherwise I hope you enjoyed my little side-fluff ficlet, and I hope you **review!**


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